About

I survived being married to and having children with a Narcissistic Sociopath.  I am not a therapist and having no training in the field of psychology but in my opinion and from my extensive research I believe my ex-husband is an undiagnosed sociopath with a narcissistic personality disorder.  We were married for 10 ½ years and together for a total of 13 years.  We definitely had problems from the beginning and by the end of the first year I was beginning to feel as though I had made a terrible mistake.  But there were several things that always brought me back.  First, I had known my ex since junior high, we grew up together, had the same group of friends, even dated for a short period of time in high school.  To everyone in our circle of friends we had this amazing and beautiful love story of a childhood together, going our separate ways then reuniting and falling madly in love.  However from the beginning Bruce’s lying and cheating were a problem.  Why stay with, marry and then have children with someone like this?  Anyone in the world of psychology will tell you that Narcissists are attracted to strong, competent, self-sufficient women with a strong sense of responsibility and moral fiber.  The more self-sufficient and confident a woman is the more determined the narcissist will be to “break her”; if he can make her totally dependent on him it is the ultimate satisfaction for him.

I have been divorced for one year and separated for 2.  I started this blog as a resource for other women dealing with the emotional abuse and hell that comes with being with a narcissist or sociopath.  Unfortunately my ex is a member of local law enforcement so filing police reports or getting the courts to acknowledge abusive behavior is very difficult.

I hope you find this blog and accompanying resources helpful.  It is my hope that all who have experienced this abuse will feel a little less alone, more educated about Sociopaths and NPDs and feel a little less frustrated.

7 thoughts on “About

  1. Separated 5 years, divorced for 2. Its creepy how similar our experiences are. I can totally relate to you, right down to the stalking behaviours.

    By coincidence, my new boss knows my ex, our kids go to the same school. The ex went so far as to corner my boss’ husband at a school event to ask him about me. My boss was not fully aware of my situation but this made her very scared for my safety.

    I am 40 years old and I have a network of people checking up on me daily and somebody knows where I am at all times. If I dont reply to texts or phone calls within a half an hour, they call police. I feel like a smothered 16 year old with uber-strict parents but I have no choice. It’s for my own safety.

    It sounds horrible but its comforting to know I’m not alone in the battle and there really isn’t something ‘wrong with me’. Keep your head up and know that your posts are being heard and I look forward to reading more. I’m here to listen too if you need an anonymous ear.

  2. I’ve nominated you for the Brave Heart Award: http://wp.me/p3UZPT-qt

    Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

    I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are losing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong. I want you to know that the abuse was not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse. In your life, you have faced many demons but look around you and you will see there is hope, and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

    Each step you take you are not alone.

    Stand Strong.

  3. I had to run away to a different continent to get away from mine. New city. No support system. 3 young children. it’s hell.

  4. So glad to have found this blog. My husbands’ ex-wife is our narcissist. I read that you started the blog for other women that have been abused by a narcissist but please believe me – this abuse can happen to men as well. I look forward to reading and sharing on more of your blogs.

  5. I am going on year 29 with my N husband. I only figured out “who” he was around 2007. I have started counseling to try and figure out what to do.
    Do they ever change?

  6. Wow I read this and hear me all over, I escaped one twelve years ago and after him only two years later fell in love with another and it feels almost linear repeat just a different set of circumstances. I will stay single not worth the pain, from the first one I am raising a beautiful daughter and hope she does not ever have to live this way. Would love to hear more and even write a book is anyone interested in an interview? God bless you all such a complex situation

  7. I have been married to a workaholic for 5 years. I started looking up things that were happening and found articles on narcissistic abuse. I always thought being a narcissist just meant loving yourself. I never knew that abuse could happen this way. He is perfect in every other way. We were both well educated and when we met, I was also very philosophical. He never liked philosophy. Then we started dating and he told me I could not talk about our relationship with my best friend. (My favorite person to do philosophy with) I started ignoring my best friend and it broke our friendship. I knew this was wrong and I knew it was controlling but I really liked every other thing about him and I knew that if I told my best friend about it that she WOULD get me away from him, just like he was subconsciously predicting. I wanted to work on his side and give our relationship a chance. Before I broke our friendship I also found that my best friend was very in love with me. I am not sure if it was always this way or just her trying to save our friendship. I have never had many friends but this made me alone with him. He is foreign and told me that in India, a women never says a bad thing about her husband. He got a good job (almost 6 figures) and told me he could marry anyone but was still marrying me. All the times I have been abused I have never told anyone. I was excited to be married. I was two months pregnant. After we were married I found a marriage license to him with a girl in India. We had a huge fight but I was so embarrassed and I was pregnant at that time. I did not know what to do.He said nothing about the pregnancy before marriage but after marriage he forced me to abort because he did not want others to judge us as being married just because I was pregnant. I have not been able to recover, only able to slowly try and forget. I cry every year at that time. I never really wanted children until that point and I had always told him I would abort if we were not married. I thought about fleeing the country but I was young and I stayed. I am confused if I was keeping my word about abortion or what happened. The relationship turned toxic. I feel like I have turned him into an abuser and I feel like it is my fault. He works long hours and I am in school. We don’ see each other much and live separately now. Now he wants to blame our problems on distance but they have always been there. I feel myself slowly moving away from him. I want to be happy. The abuse is so bad it is even immoral. If I do not eat when he cooks something because I am upset with him, he will get very angry. During a fight he manipulated me to eat food that had been on the floor and rubbed on his body then put back on my plate. I don’t understand how someone so nice can be so soulless. When I cry he says I am fake crying. Because there is no spiritual or emotional connection, everything feels like a game. We keep using each other for help with professional contacts, health and education until we have run out of things we need from each other. I started playing the game after 2 years of marriage. I know it is wrong. It has made me believe that people are only together because they get something from each other and I can no longer remember being with a person just because it feels good. Sometimes we say we will leave once something is complete. I always have to think about the tone of my voice before I talk to him. It feels like we could be something great together but there is something blocking us. We were open with passwords and email. After the marriage certificate to someone else I became paranoid like him. I went through his emails. I found the other wedding photos he did not delete. He also had a strong spiritual connection with a male friend years ago. He has never spoken to me that way despite love letters I wrote him in the beginning. He has never shown divorce papers but we went back to have our marriage in his country.

    I feel like we have the same image in our head of what we want life to be. Our image of how things should turn out never happens that way they should. Life is not perfect and you have to play the cards you are dealt about I feel life my life would just be happier single now. I have moved near college and I can start a new life here. If I had not moved I would still be with him. I have always willingly submitted to him out of logical evaluation. Every time he is abusive I weigh the pro/con list AGAIN. Lately it has been outweighed that I should leave him. A few days ago he stranded me without transportation after repeatedly cursing me and saying he would leave me if I did not get in the car. I would not get in the car while he was angry because he drive dangerously. I have no doubt that he will find another woman soon and have a family. He has told me in the past that his wife could be ANY woman. He says he is saving money for us to vacation but he doesn’t understand that I will not be able to enjoy his company after so much abuse. I would not be in this college if I did not meet him. He helped me pass important classes. I felt for a long time that I could not leave him because of this debt. The reason I can leave is that I am still the person that make the choice to be with him. If I can support myself financially, than I will not need him.

    My question is, how much do I owe? He thinks only of money. Can I pay this debt to him once I graduate with a good paying job? I think that I can pay it. I want to go back to being a person who is not RACIST, who is not JUDGMENTAL, who is not DISGUSTING on the inside. I want to go back to me and stop being him. So why every time I see him, do I smile? If you can help me get rid of this smile, I can show him that something is wrong. He thinks I will never leave him and that if I smile once, everything is settled. Many times he has convinced me of the same thing.

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